You’d laugh out loud if you saw the list that I had for my future husband. Back in the day I remember scribbling a list of only 40 or so things qualities I was looking for. I’d heard on Dr Phil (ha ha) about the 80/20 rule. For anyone new to the "80/20 rule for relationships," it's the theory that says, in a fairly healthy relationship you only get 80 percent of what you want. So I figured that this extensive list I had written was totally OK because I was only really chasing 80% of it.
But here’s the thing, the longer your list is, the harder it is to find that person. It’s like saying that you want to buy a black dress, just below the knee, made of denim with sleeves that end just before the elbow, a size zip and five faux buttons down the back. That’s all. Just a black dress. Lol. What would be the chances of finding that?! None.
So a few years ago I re-did my list and I thought I’d share it with you. If I was dating today, this is what I’d look for.
Consistency - he needs to be consistent with what he says and does. It’s one thing to talk a game during the dating process but to peace out when he settles down. Equally not OK is the man who always says he’ll do something and never does.
Ambition - he needs to be full of drive and have a plan. Fueled by passion for something and then consistently working towards it. It doesn’t matter if that’s a career plan or a body building plan. A man content with life just how it is and not striving to do more….that’s not for me.
Emotional intelligence - he needs to be aware of the people around him and how they feel and communicate and just as importantly, be able to communicate how he feels and what he thinks. He has to care what other people think.
Love for me - he has to adore me. Love me. Want to spend time with me. Want to tell me things. Ask for my help. Laugh with me. Come looking for me when he hasn’t seen me for a while. Why? Not because of how it makes me feel, but because it’s a disaster waiting to happen if you love someone and want to be with them…and they don’t love you back.
What’s on your list?